YIPEEEEEEE.

I am finally done with all my essay assignments for this semester, and have gone through 5 essays and 3 exams since CNY, ie in ~6 weeks.

I hope that’s just a ONCE in a lifetime experience. I’m mentally exhausted now, but extremely happy. =)))

I could never have imagined myself having to survive through this, but when you are thrown into the ocean, you NEED to somehow learn how to swim, there and then.

This reminds me of the time I willingly threw myself into the orchestra and nearly got drown, if not, being swallowed by bigger fishes or maybe an octopus.

The only way to learn how to swim is being in the swimming pool, out of your comfortable safety zone. And being in a position where you are vulnerable to being ridiculed.

You got to have thick skin to shield you from criticisms and a thin heart to be receptive to other people’s comments on how you can further improve yourself.

 

That aside, Olive and I had a great therapy at the movie tonight!!!

Tada! How to train your dragon. =)

Awesome show!!! I love animation. Creativity brings your mind out of the natural realm into a make-believe world. For a tour. =)

And I badly needed that tonight!

This movie reminds me of a verse

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;
1 Corinthians 1:27

Hiccup (the main actor) was the scrawniest and most timid of all, yet he became the one who revolutionised his society.

Night fury/ Knight Furry (his dragon) was the only dragon which doesn’t kill, yet eventually he fought with the strongest dragon and saved every one.

=)

It’s quite encouraging, I have a little more hope now.

 

P.S: Sorry I just have to spoil it. HA

What an unproductive Sunday.

I’m so disappointed in myself.

 

I have not practised cello for 2 days.
My essay is just 1/4 done.

How ill-disciplined.

 

My brain just refused to do anything now, though my heart is urging it to.

Why can’t the both of them ever cooperate.

_________________

 

Today pastor talked about something which I have been thinking about recently, ie waiting.

W = Withstand (holding on to your ground in the face of extreme pressure)

A = Anticipate (Expectation is the atmosphere for miracles!)

I = Intercede (Pray and not lose heart)

T = Trust (Acknowledge the lordship of God)

 

I guess in this fast-paced society, nobody likes to wait. We all want instant gratification.

However, waiting is so essential and a phase everyone has to go through to achieving anything great.

I came up with an analogy a few years ago – the Little Mermaid analogy! =))) Remember how she had to wait until she was at the right age to ‘see the world’? Hearing her sisters blabbered on the wonderful things they saw didn’t help at all.

Still she HAD TO wait. If you remember the ending, it was certainly a worthwhile wait.

 

Waiting also trains us to trust in God’s timing. He is never too early and never too late. Time is in His hands. :)

However, it doesn’t mean that we should just sit around and wait for the promises. Faith is a verb, it is never passive.

So keep doing what it takes to achieve our dreams while waiting patiently for them to come to past. =)

My dad promised to buy me an iPhone next week!!! It’s so timely as my current phone is starting to get cranky now, though I like it a lot.

I’m just thinking if someone like me would need such a phone. I hardly even use my phone, much to the frustration of many when they try to reach me. I think. And I can’t imagine having to charge my phone every day when I only do it once every 3 days now.

 

 

Anyway, shortly after being exhilarated upon hearing the news, someone angered me.

He was staring at me, looking darn frustrated like I did something wrong? I stared right back at him, until he looked away.

What a/an _______. 

If your conscience is clear, you do not have to be afraid of anything or anyone. There resides in you a kind of boldness, a quiet confidence, a come-what-may attitude.

 

 

Oh and I really like African songs!!!!!

The Africans are exceptionally awesome!

They exude a kind of rawness and genuineness that make me very happy. I like their unpretentiousness too =)

It makes me smile just listening to them. =)))

Music right out of the heart =)

It was such a relief submitting my politics essay =) But I doubt I will do well.

I’d say it’s rather demoralising at times in university when you look at your results, think back on your past results in previous schools and wonder what the hell happened to you.

 

Gave myself a little treat earlier by watching a chick-flick – When In Rome.

Wahaha it’s so funny, easy on the brain with average typical love story plot. I’d give 3.5/5

The main actor looks good at first and kinda normal subsequently but vice versa for the actress.

I find unassuming-looking guys the most attractive, like you know there is much more in them than the way they look.

 

Hmmm I know I probably shouldn’t even think of that 4-letter word now that my Sociology essay is crying out to me. However, regarding matters of the heart, it clings on to you day and night until you address them.

And I probably wouldn’t say it here.

But I know God knows because He’s the only one whom I tell everything to… Regarding that.

Alone @ Central Library.
It’s the most popular library in NUS, I don’t know what’s so fascinating about it. Hate the little shuffling noises made by the masses. I’m here only because I need some books for politics essay reference…

Dateline’s tomorrow.

I’m always confused between “deadline” and “dateline”. I don’t yet know which is right. It means the same thing anyway.

After submitting, I’d have to start on my Medical Sociology essay which I have no idea if I can complete it in time.

Deadline’s next Wednesday.

 

Some of the essays I wrote deserve to be torn and burnt.

 

___________

Walking on an endless road, guided by an imaginary destination.

Alone @ Music Library attempting to do my politics essay.

 

Life has been kinda routined now. Things I do daily – Going to school, do some schoolwork after school, practise cello and some piano at home. =)

It’s easy to form a general equation

My life = Church + School + Music

Hehe simple, but enough to keep me occupied every day and agonised some days.

It has been like that for the longest time and I love it =)))

 

I have nothing to talk about now, just feeling pleasantly joyous for no particular reason. I’m even smiling now as I type =))))

Who cares? I have the right to smile whenever I feel like Haha.

And perhaps I should tryyy to refrain myself from getting overly and unnecessarily excited over the littlest of things, like I sometimes do hahaha.

It's hard not to get pessimistic sometimes with all the negativity around.

Just flip the papers...
Especially the recent hype on cheating?

And personal experiences where guys hit on you, acting desperate and all? And the next thing you know, they are attached to another girl? It's baffling.

But good for them. And me.

My bro made it compulsory for my future bf to have to pass through him first lol... I don't know how he's gonna do it, but I think guys are better in reading another guy's intentions? That's what bro is for! =)))

Few days ago, I was talking to my aunt on FaceBook and she was telling me how men can't be trusted?? I think that's a sweeping and unfair statement and of course I disagree with that. And... Men are not all the same. -_-

Whoever came up with that?


But it does make me feel like I have to be extra cautious.



Anyway... My aunt was an air stewardess many years ago and she'd buy me magnets from the countries she went. During our FB conv, she actually suggested me to become an air stewardess for 2 years after I graduate?

The thought is extremely tempting I'd say. Free travelling around the world + allowances given. However, it's never my calling/desire to be one. So I won't deviate.

Gotta FOCUS... Everything I do must be driven by a sense of purpose and passion, I don't like me to do things half-heartedly. Doesn't mean I don't, but I don't like it when I do.

Microbiology Test

I passed. Good enough cos I dislike that dead boring module. What am I supposed to do with all the microbe names that I remember?

I admit I didn't put in much effort to study for that. I don't see why I should when I'd probably forget after a few days? So what's the point... The result?

 

 

My bro promised to buy me a nice jacket if my CAP increases this semester! Hehehehe. At least something to look forward to and work for. =)))

Dead modules suddenly come alive. :)

Music Theory Exam

Yesterday's theory exam was the worst one ever since 'A' level. I used up the full 3 hours and it was so mentally grueling I had to stone for 1.5 hours after that to recover.

I had about about 0.5hour to tidy up my paper and complete blanks which I left out. It was agonising questioning and scaring myself unnecessarily as I double-checked my work. But I know I really did the best I knew how...

Result will probably be out in 2-3 weeks. I hope not to let my teacher down =(

Next up, I will be starting on my piano practical exam pieces and stuff. I dunno if I have the time to practise well. But yea I must trust my teacher. =)


~~~
Psychology Exam

Just saw my Psychology test result... I think it's not too bad... Quite happy with it. =) I'm going to skip Psych tutorial and lecture tomorrow. =) Not due to complacency (as what I'd like to think) but because they are not value for time.

~~~

Daphne's Housewarming

Great celebration for end of music exam and every other things. I have never drunk so much alcohol in my whole life and I got super cranky haha. Now I slightly understand why people like to drink their sorrow away.

You get an instant high and escape from reality.

For a while...

Maybe even that little while is worthwhile in a midst of disarray.


~~~

Movie with Orchestra

We watched "Nodame Cantabile" which is an orchestral show. They played Bach No.1 in D minor! A piece we last performed at VCH. Brought back memories of Sofi playing on the piano and fulfilling her dream, and me struggling to get the notes right on my cello.

I love that piece...

The movie also depicts life of a musician. The kinda mental agony of reaching a point where you almost want to give up, where dreams seem far-fetched, where there is always someone better than you, where all eyes are on you... And you screw up.

But there resides something greater in you - a burning passion, a secret desire.

Which keeps you going, even if it means you have to drag along the shackles on your feet, being a laughing stock, being demeaned.


~~~

Plans for next week

1) Start my sociology essay.
2) Practise my cello everyday
3) Time to return for orchestra prac

It was a great Friday night! Felt darn happy like being released from 3 weeks of bondage. It was that bad.

Since CNY we have conquered 3 essays and 2 tests. =)

And later, my music theory exam. FINALLY. =) Quite excited about it.

Upcoming up: 2 more essays within next 3 weeks.


Just do LOR... Since they like it so much.


~~~

Anyway, I suppose many people are rather put off by the media fuss over the latest scandal. I had only read one article online and can't be bothered with the rest.

I mean... Don't you ALREADY know most of what are reported are false? Unless of course I'm reeaaalllly bored and have nothing better to do, then maybe I'll read. Which is rare, and I kinda miss that feeling haha. Or rather miss having nothing better to do. =P

I think there ought to be some regulation in the media? Someone (reliable) to verify the reports? Otherwise I'd think it's all thrash. Like in our essays, whatever that we write has to be referenced from a trusted source. It's tedious but at least the reader knows there is SUBSTANCE in whatever we write (hopefully =P).

It makes me think of the difference between local journalism and paparazzi? And I'm still confused.

I think perhaps future news should be written more OBJECTIVELY instead? Many times, life is dramatic enough. If it's not, then it's probably not a big deal and they can save the trouble by not publishing.

And I don't wanna spend my few cents reading about what they think about an issue, I don't even know them and unless they do something to what they think, they are just cheap words.





PS: This is an extremely biased perspective from someone who has little knowledge about the media and how it works. Hence some of the statements might be extreme, but it's all only my opinion, so there's no wrong or right, right? =)

One more essay and we can finally take a short breather. =) It’s a nice feeling having to conquer each obstacle with my friends. Like we’re all in it together. =)

 

Life has been too dramatic recently. It must have been God’s grace which brought me through. I wonder how much pressure can one possibly withstand? Studies aside.

I have been greatly misunderstood. My intentions for ____ has never been of evil, but I was treated with revolt. It hurts, so I departed silently.

Sometimes I wish I had a more normal life with less tears and fears  around me. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side? We can’t have the best of both worlds.

Having said that, I am still contended with the patch of grass I am standing on. At least there are some really green blades. =)

 

Man may fail us, but God never fails. Gotta learn to give thanks in all things. =)

My appetite has shrunk tremendously ever since CNY. Or even before.

I sometimes eat just for the sake of eating. This is quite bad huh…

 

I can somewhat understand why my cancer patients always leave their food untouched, no matter how appetizing they look.

Some chemo drugs produce a metallic taste in your mouth, and nothing tastes good. Some make you nauseous even with the little that you eat.

Sometimes they are so depressed, food is the last thing on their mind and others just want to rest.

 

However, food is especially crucial to boost recovery, so this is a big concern for us. 

What then can nurses do to encourage them to eat?

I’m sure every nurse has their own method somehow. Maybe.

From the littlest experience I have, I find being with them while they eat will actually subconsciously make them eat more. It is best if we can sit beside them and talk to them while they eat.

That is just a super ideal method which unfortunately is kinda unrealistic in view of the amount of (paper) work we have to do.

It boils down to this question

What is the essence of nursing?

Most nurses would say “To care.” But take a look, how much have we deviated from that? That nursing has become a technical and mechanical job.

I think the healthcare here is not holistic enough. We may have excellence in terms of physical care and cure, what about the other components which make up the totality of a person’s health - their psychological, emotional and spiritual needs?

I read from an article which says that the spiritual need is most crucial for a terminally-ill patient.

Which makes sense.

“I know I am dying, I don’t need more pricks and tests. I need some assurance as to where I will be going after this.”

“The doctor told me there’s no cure for my disease. Can you just pray for me?”

(Some thoughts I conjured up, which may be possible scenarios.)

 

So… The other 3 neglected components are my main concerns regarding the healthcare system in Singapore. Physical health wise, I think we are good.

That’s why I hope to be able to bring music into the hospitals to hopefully make it more ‘whole’.

A place without music feels incomplete and empty! :) The atmosphere in hospitals can definitely afford to liven up by a notch.

 

 

I am darn good in digressing. From appetite to music hahaha. Everything can be linked to music! =P It’s on my mind all the time, every day.

Apart from the overwhelming schoolwork, I wanna talk about something more light-hearted =)

That flirting and sugar-coated words don’t work for me! Totally. I may feel flattered maybe, but not impressed.

I think it’s unnecessary to try so hard, girls know and can see through you, though they might of course not reveal it. Ha.

 

 

 

Having said that, I wish he’d try harder… I’m too blind to see sometimes…

Or maybe I’ve been deliberately refraining myself from reading too much into things, lest it’s all the work of my incredible imagination..

Ever felt like this before? Like your heart and mind are telling you different things and you don’t know which to agree to?

Like the best thing to do is to “wait and see how it goes”?

And of course P.U.S.H (pray until something happens =P)

 

Sometimes doing seemingly nothing is the most difficult thing to ‘do’.

 

 

Ok it’s not very light-hearted at all. =/

There is a purpose in everything that I do. Or at least I know why I am doing things.

But not for school.

It seems meaningless sometimes, I am just not use to it? It’s just a big waste of time.

I’m referring to modules which make me memorise and regurgitate for the mere  sake of it (particularly the test coming up – Microbiology). Pick anyone in the street and they can do it too.

That’s what I think.

What is so impressive about that?

Does that make me more intelligent in any way?

 

We have tests all the time, and we don’t know our mistakes because we don’t ever get our papers back but instead an alphabet.

Is that what learning is all about?

Everyone’s merely going through the motion right? Or maybe just me…

 

I know I always talk about my school system!!! Cos it’s disturbing. It conflicts with my values and I need to vent out.

And now that I have done so, I need to get back to memorising for my test.

Booo

I'm scared...

Like something's gonna happen...

I don’t understand many things which happened…  Or why is it always the same people with the same problem?

Don’t they have the common sense to learn from their mistakes and not make it again? And again…

Or walk the obvious same path of a failure?

Well, I ought to be more compassionate right?

 

_______ ___ .

 

 

Why do I always have to take all this _____ caused by others?

So much for trying to live a “decent” life, going to school and obeying the rules.

But who am I to say? When I was the very person who drove Jesus to the cross, undeservingly bearing all my sins, that I in turn can have the greatest love of all.

=’’(

I haven’t stepped out of home from Thursday evening to Saturday afternoon. Will finally go out tonight for a concert.

Been turning down many things this week to recuperate… I’m not sick to the extent of being immobile/non-functional =X, just wanna prevent getting sicker.

I totally can’t afford to man.

2 tests and 1 assignment due next week.
Music theory exam the following week.

 

 

I am in quite an irritable mood now and I think I’m so prone to offending people due to my sarcasm and my directness hahaha.

I should seriously do some self-reflection.

Or you can just let me know :)

My mum is an awesome woman. :)

The one who corrects my every unglamness all the time, who shows me other people’s unglamness and teaches me not to do likewise. =X

Especially as a girl/lady/woman.

She stresses a lot on personal care and stuff I wear. I always feel that I have to be on my best behaviour with her around… Cos she will somehow scrutinise me top to bottom. Ha.

She knows all my bad habits, my favourite food and my ‘pattern’. =P

Very well.

She was the one who encouraged me to learn the piano, seeing how much I wanted to. And bought me a good piano at the risk that I might someday stop learning.

She was also the one who bought me a  rather ex badminton racket when I got into my school team.

She never once object to the things I wanna do in life and always supports me by her actions…  And silence… =’)

I think she’s funny! Always the one teasing others, and bringing laughter. Haha.

She’s a very strong woman too. =)

I hope we can go to church together one day…

 

I wanna be like her. =)

My mum has persistent headache and I don’t even know what to do with it.

It sucks to feel helpless.

People expect nurses to know everything. Even nursing students. They ask me questions from the head to toe and expect me to know everything at my finger tips (pun intended =X).

Some feel mighty high that they know something related to health more than I do.

Fact is, do you seriously think that anyone can know everything about the human body in just 1.5 years? There is an astronomical amount of information to digest.

I hate it when people say mindless things like “You are a nurse right, you’re supposed to know.”

If you have ever said that, stop it.

 

Would you see an Oncologist for your broken thumb?

Common sense would tell you not to cos that is stupid and you know an Oncologist can’t do much about your thumb. He might refer you to an Orthopedist who knows better.

 

Like you don’t expect a violinist to know how to play a cello, just because he is a musician.  -_-

 

I need more patience to deal with such people.

Skipped school yesterday!

Happy I did because there was only 1 read-from-notes lecture by a lecturer who sounded so boring I think he bored himself sometimes.

Not worth the effort travelling to school since I’m feeling unwell (physically, emotionally, psychologically. Hahaha)

So I reckoned it was a good day to finally make my way down to Tanjong Katong to repair my cello and change a new set of strings. I’ve been procrastinating it for the longest time…

Not very proud of that.

 

Felt good just being surrounded by pianos :) They look magnificent by themselves! :) Brilliant invention :)

Tools!!! 0.0

Cradling my baby Charles :)

I like him! Nice fellow to talk to :) We happen to share the same birth date too :)

Found out that there are just about 3-4 repairmen in Singapore.

Very happy with the result! I love the new strings too! :)

And there is no excuse not to play better now……………

 

Hmmm. I think it’s also high time to tune my piano now… My tuner took 1.5 hours to tune mine last year cos I didn’t tune it for years haha.

Tsk…

 

~~~

My angling is really bad

@ School’s McDonald’s

Planning for our July holiday trip to Taiwan!!! I really hope we are able to go! We need more vacations seriously.

Let’s not go into schoolwork… It’s driving all of us crazy.

Everyone’s so tired in school now. Boo.

My gastrointestinal system has been cranky lately… That I feel nauseous after every meal I take.

What’s going on inside of me? :(

It’s not something unfamiliar though… I get that whenever I’m overwhelmed by things, particularly schoolwork.

School has started and we are all flooded with impending tests and assignments to submit.

Plus my music theory exam is in < 3 weeks’ time.

Sometimes… I think maybe it’s good to be sick? At least there is a valid reason not to do anything and just rest without the guilt. And perhaps it’s just the body’s way of forcing us to take a break.

Ha, this coming from a nurse…  -_-

I think I am a very blessed girl! :)

Thanks to everyone who made my birthday such a touching and memorable one :), really appreciate all the effort my friends put into… :’)

Birthdays are not a very big deal for me, it is perhaps a good day to reflect back on our journey and see how far we have come? Or how far we are to achieving our dreams.

I believe everyone has a purpose here on Earth, is what we are doing in line with that? Otherwise, stop doing things aimlessly and start doing what you have always wanted to do!

Life is too short to waste on things you dislike doing. Eww cliche. But true. :)

 

 

On my birthday, I thanked God for taking care of me and protecting me for the past 23 years + 9 months and for placing so many wonderful people in my life to help and encourage me on my way.

Indeed God knows all our needs. :)
Knowing Him is the best thing that happened in my life.

I also remembered my big brother… The one whom I never had the chance to know… But I know he’s watching over me. =’)

 

 

So much for now… Gotta START writing a 500-essay about my view on the importation of foreigners into Singapore… Asset or liability?

I think it’s generally an asset, though of course some of their social behaviours put people off.  -_-

It has been the best week of 2010!!!

I am so blessed and touched to be reunited with my extended family members and my best of friends. :)

I wouldn’t trade anything for that!

School work takes a step back this week though it’s constantly screaming for my attention. It’s gonna be extremely tough when school starts next Monday.

I’m scared now as I think about it…

 

To digress…

I like this pic cos of my big foot! Hahaha.

This is Jeff my godbro! We’ve known each other since I was about 15 years old… So in his impression, I’m always this 16/17 year-old girl.  -_-

One night I had a dream that he was attached, so I asked him and TRUE enough, he just got attached. And now he’s happily married to her! =)

He likes this pic cos it’s sketchy = my face is unclear = looks nicer.  -_-Hahaha.

@ his house! Had a surprise celebration hahaha… This must have been the most surprising one ever, maybe cos I kept forgetting it was actually my birthday since it coincided with CNY and like I mentioned, there’re many other things screaming for my attention… Boo.

Anyway, we were talking about our lives and stuff and I mentioned about my Psychology CAs which is just 5 days apart from each other and how crazy is that blabla…

And he said one sentence which struck me…

“You can one la if you put your heart into it.”

It might appear like a casual/cliche statement but it actually made me reflect. I thought back on the things I actually put my heart into doing.

I always think that I have really bad memory? But there was once I really put my heart into learning a Bach piano piece and I can still remember every note now… (Cos it’s the piece I used to prove myself wrong with.)

And how I put my heart into studying/memorising for my very FIRST test in university and got among the highest… I remember the test was the day after Jeff’s wedding.

I think it’s a matter of how much a person wants a thing? If you want it bad enough, you can actually have it? Hmmm…

Like if you want to live long enough to see a family member for one last time, you can actually hold on to your dear life even as Death beckons you?

I’m fascinated by the human willpower. I don’t know where that comes from… Is it in us all along? Does it surface only when our relentless determination forces it to?

 

 

 

Anyway, the tragic thing is that subsequently, I became complacent/lazy/”attitude” and I stopped having the desire to want to score well (for various reasons)? And my grades plummeted in ways you cannot imagine. =X

It is bad considering it was only after my FIRST test.

=/ 

Just wrote about “comparison of a human being with another” but I didn’t post it. Haha.

Comparison is really a mean thing to do.

I came up with an analogy many years ago about it.

Think about balls.

There are a thousand kind of balls.

Ranging from a pinball, pingpong, golf ball, basketball…

Fishball, meatball, sotongball… Lol.

They are all BALLS but very different balls.

 

Is a tennis ball better than a basketball?

How do you answer that? How can anyone compare 2 different things of 2 different purposes???

A tennis ball works best being hit by a tennis racket on the tennis court. A sensible person will not replace a basketball for that.

Likewise, it is 100x easier to run while bouncing a basketball than doing the same with a tennis ball.

 

Common sense conclusion:

1) We are all human beings.
2) With very different purposes and abilities.
3) So there really isn’t any basis to compare on.

 

Therefore, people should stop comparing because it doesn’t make sense! And worse still, it might have detrimental effect on a person’s self-esteem and mindset about himself.

Please refute if you want.

 

~~~

 

That aside!

I love this year’s CNY celebration with my maternal family!!!  It was really encouraging that they were so supportive of me doing nursing and music. :)

But as usual they are hoping I could get a doctor as a boyfriend or something…… –_- What’s so good about doctors actually.

My aunt warned me about “pervertic” doctors too! It’s not something unusual. Working in the healthcare industry is extremely (quality of) life-threatening.

My grandma was quite cute, she went on to “assess” me and commented that I have a “nurse” look and others which I won’t say. All well though, but I don’t like to be scrutinised!!! Hahaha.

She’s quite concerned that the majority of her grandchildren are not attached yet!!! Lol…

 

The following pictures are CLASSIC. It never fail to make me LAUGH hahaha.

This is my youngest cousin, Edward, playing with the hairdryer.

Prior to this, he wanted to “shoot” me with it. Lol…

 

PRICELESS expression!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

If he sees this 10 years later, he’d probably kill me! But he laughed too! =P

Picture of the year!!!!! =P

It was an awesome reunion with my relatives! I love being in their company, my aunties and uncles are such funny people!!!

My cousin and her doggie!
She is the same age as me so we grew up together for our first 10 years of our lives, :) Combining our Polly Pockets and hopping from playground to playground!!! :)

We went to the same kindergarten and primary school and were taken care of by the same nanny too. :)

 

Us with our youngest cousins (9 and  11) who couldn’t stop talking! Lol…

 

The entire house was filled with noisy chatters and laughter, it was heartwarming being in the presence of people who saw me grew up. :)

Anyway,

Happy CNY everyone!!!
And a happy Valentine’s day too!!!

May your days be filled with love and warmth from the people around you! :)

THANK GOD IT’S THE END OF FRIDAY! 

Surviving through this week is a victory in itself. My brain seriously needs some rest and quality sleep. I am feeling the mental lethargic effect.

“A mind of its own” has new meaning now! It sucks when you can’t even control your own mind. Mine has been over-stimulated recently by the continual generation of thoughts and questions.

Even as I lay on bed, mentally exhausted and ‘urgently’ needed to sleep, it just wouldn’t stop thinking. Maybe I’m subconsciously worried about something or plainly stressed out?

I think of the most random questions like

“What is the difference between visualisation, imagination and a fantasy???”

It seems that "visualisation" has a more positive connotation to it, like thinking of something 'sensible'. Whereas a "fantasy" might imply an irrational thought.

However, essentially, thoughts are boundless and I think that all 3 mean the same!

How can one mark the 'cut-off' point of being rational or irrational... And why do we often hear things like "Stop fantasizing" when everything that we do first starts off as a thought? Is it more "wrong" to fantasize than to visualise???

Never underestimate the power of one thought.

The more you think about something, the more you veer your life towards it, and your entire course of life changes.

 

~~~~~~~

 

My mind raised another question too.

“If a person talks ill about his own race, does that make him a racist? And will he be charged?”

Racial differences is an extremely sensitive topic to talk about in Singapore, especially so due to our many racial conflicts in the past.

It is not uncommon for people to be charged for making rude remarks about another race which might exacerbate the ever-present racial tension, which is just below the surface, barely covered and very fragile.

So what would make of my above question???

Will talking ill about a person’s own race cause racial tension??? I believe to a certain extent yes.

It is even more convincing for another race to hear it from the horse’s mouth and confirm every pre/misconception he has for that race.

And in the long run, IF racial conflicts arose, he has more reasons to be against that race.

Therefore a person who speaks ill of his own race is insidiously building up negative impressions in the minds of other races and hence might indirectly aggravate future racial conflicts (if any).

Just my 2-cent worth of thoughts.

What do you think??? I’d love having a discussion/debate anytime.

 

~~~~~~

 

Speaking of which…

I did a group presentation for politics tutorial today. Early in the morning at 10am!!!

Topic was

“Was PAP’s single-minded aim of ensuring Singapore’s survival at all costs responsible for the eventual separation from Malaysia in August 1965?”

We touched on the economic, political and social aspects. I took social as I’m not very familiar with the other 2.

I talked about how LKY wanted a “Malaysian Malaysia” but Tunku wanted special rights for the Malays.

Man… I was nervous. Firstly cos I don’t think I’m really good in speaking? Worse in a group of about 25.  Secondly, there were many way outspoken and knowledgeable students in it who actually majored in History kinda fields.

And the last thing I wanna do was to screw up my group result since it was determined by the rest of the students.

But all well in the end!!! They thought that the points about racial tensions and economy were good :) and overall presentation was “commendable” hahaha.

Phewwwwww…..

Definitely worth losing sleep over for the past 2 nights. :) Glad it’s over. :)

Till then…

This week is daunting. Fully packed days from Monday to Friday! I need to stop and take a deep breath!

And frankly speaking, I’m overwhelmed.

By the present. And the future.

It seems like my entire year has already been planned out.

February – CNY, assignments.
March – Assignments, music theory exam
April – End of Semester exams
May – Attachment
June – Attachment
July – Precious little holiday.
August – Orchestra concert, school
September – Piano exam
November – End of Semester exams
December – Attachment, Christmas

+ weekly piano lessons and orchestra practices + church and cell group meetings through the year.

I’m afraid  I’ll end up screwing everything. It’s like putting all the eggs in one basket?

Then again, last year was similar. Though of course now I’m in Year 2, my music grade is higher, orchestra is playing more difficult pieces and attachment is longer by 3 weeks.

 

I feel better now after listing everything. At least I know I’m being stretched because I am going to places I have never been. I feel the resistance as I more forward, breaking those walls in front of me.

And I know that God will not bring me to a place where He knows I can’t handle. :) And I know that no matter how many times I fall, He will pick me up and we will continue this race together. As always.

Time spent at home (or rather in my room) is too precious… There are just too many things to do even at home.

It takes a lot out of me to go out of my house sometimes and that is a big issue concerning my unpunctuality. Sigh…

And whenever I’m out, I hate wasting time because of the thought that I could use that time more productively at home, like practising on my instruments while I’m still energized.

However, when I’m home in my room with my instruments < 1m from me, I can’t touch them due to schoolwork or simply reaching home too late. It is like dangling a carrot in front of me.

The feeling is horrible and depressing.

 

I love Saturdays because it’s my only free day. I’d definitely like to stay at home if not for spending time with my closer friends or family. I love their presence :)

 

Brief meet-up with MengChing and KaiLin today @ SoupSpoon again :)

Then I had to meet Dad for his company dinner @ Grand Copthorne

He went around introducing me to his colleagues and it was quite nice to just tag along without the need to entertain. =P

This, as I had just learnt, is called a “Tea VASE” as said by a waitress. It is quite an unusual term but it made sense after a while. :)

 

Ok I’m feeling emoo and kinda disappointed with myself this week. I could have practised and studied more instead of idling around. *shrug*

It was an eventful Friday! :)

I like eventful days, somehow I feel more useful… Or rather more productive.

I’m finally working on my first exam piece, hope it’s not too late. It’s by J.C.E. Bach, J.S Bach’s 2nd youngest son. :)

I like Bach :) Though many of his pieces are in running notes which seem to go on and on, there is something captivating about that. It makes you take a second listen.

It’s hard to get sick of his music even after hearing it 100 times :)

 

 

Recently I noticed a significant increase in the people I know getting ATTACHED. Maybe it’s the start-of-the-year kinda thing???

Or maybe I’m actually at THE age already?

Erm, yea definitely hahaha.

My mum was married at my age. I just can’t imagine myself in her shoes haha.

In any case, I believe we shouldn’t be pressurized in any way to rush into making such an important decision in life. I mean what’s the hurry when eventually both of you are going to spend a lifetime together?

Patience is the key!!! :)

 

Sigh… And maybe I should stop fantasizing.

Though much of what I am doing now is what I 'fantasized' many years ago.

Maybe it’s different when it involves another human being…?

Shrug.

I think someone/myself accidentally threw away my music theory notes and past exam papers which I have done. How can I survive without it??? At least for the next 1 month before my exam.

Registration for piano exam starts next week. I’m going to register for the September one, which is the latest month for exam. Orchestra is having a public concert beginning of August too.

On top of that, I have a 7-week attachment until end of June.

Honestly I don’t know if I can manage. =/ Hmmm… Actually, I’m doubting.

But I’ll certainly not give up music for SCHOOL. Music is a lifetime investment… It goes with me till my dying days.

Whereas school is just a passing phase. Most of us forget what we learn anyway.

However, there is another side to it, that since it’s a passing phase, it only happens once in a lifetime and we gotta make the best out of it. Reasonable.

Take note that the word “best” is subjective and is a variable. :)

 

 

There are just too many inner conflicts in my mind.

Well, it was just a go-through-the-motion day. What’s new?

The only thing I did differently today was – I have finally tried YAMI YOGHURT. Haha.

I wanted “Honeydew” but it was sold out. “Peachie” too… –_- What a bad first experience. They could have put a sign or something to indicate???

So I ordered “Winter Melon” which has quite an awful first taste but got better subsequently, so I was fine. :)

Bumped into a friend and she commented that I’ve slimmed down, that was what Emma told me yesterday too! *Beams*

However, I looked into the mirror and was not convinced… =/ I don’t even exercise now.

But well, it is probably due to my loss of appetite? When I wake up in the morning, food is not one of the first thing on my mind now (usually it is. =P)

And also probably due to my timetable which is nicely planned such that breaks in between lessons are minimised. :)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Whatever is it, school is kinda plain now. People are acting strange and I am not motivated to study at all. To think that I used to love studying when I was younger… But somehow along the way I just lost it.

(Btw studying does not = learning.)

I must admit that I am never a hardworking person and complacency is a big issue for me. That’s probably why I’m better in subjects which doesn’t have a definite answer and doesn’t require much memorising. :)

I love those subjects. Think along GP, literature and stuff like that…

After all, you can always find definite answers in textbooks, why the need to memorise?

 

*shrug*

Can someone give me a good reason???????????????????????

With a sensible rationale, I think my grades are more likely to improve. It is because I can’t see the reason behind doing something, which causes such reluctance to do it.

This has always been on of my biggest mental conflict.  It’s agonising.

 

On the other hand, I am happy with my relationship with my cello now though. :) I look forward to practising after school each night :) My teacher must be happy to know this haha.

Reason is simple.

I practise, and actually see the result. This acts as a super positive reinforcement which makes me wanna improve more.

And I’m not practising for any exams or to please anyone. It is just a pure desire to want to improve just because. There is no string attached and the only pressure comes from myself.

 

This is such a huge irony, certainly a field of study psychologists might be interested in. I will willingly be a research participant anytime, in hope that they might be able to come up with a solution and revolutionalise the entire education system.

(Participated in 2 Psychology researches today… And more to come! Because they made it compulsory.)

Recently I have been practising the cello more than the piano. Cello is much more fun actually, though of course more technically demanding and frustrating.

It is just strange…

Yesterday, I had an offer to play in a string trio in a wedding for about $xxx/hour. That’s great news! I hope the timing doesn’t clash.

And today, a friend asked if I could play for a yearly nursing event in school. I think it’d be real fun to play together with my fellow schoolmates! I like our cohort. :)

When I think back, I’m amazed in the way things actually line up.

I guess when we sow our little seed of (whatever) talent and keep watering it, God will eventually multiply our little seed and open more doors for us.

I’m in awe of how God works as I trace back on my journey with the cello… And the people and opportunities He put in along the way to make that journey possible.

It never fails to touch me and bring tears to my eyes.

 

It is a ongoing journey for as long as I can still live and function…

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning amidst the many mountains in life.

And at times, my vision is impeded and I loss track of my direction –  what am I practising for? Where will this eventually lead me to?

 

As clueless as I still am, I just want to be a good steward of this little seed that God has placed in my hands, and with that, to glorify His name in big and small ways.

 

 

P/S: The above pictures were taken at Lake Toba, Indonesia! :) Thankfully the fog cleared shortly after we arrived, to unravel its magnificent beauty. :)

My schedule is kinda packed now, and will be worse as weeks go by.

But I’m not complaining! I love this semester due to “Psychology”, “Medical Sociology” and “Government and Politics of Singapore” modules.

I love the tutorials! I actually have to think now. I love Arts modules. They are interactive, boundless and creative. I have the opportunity to learn together with the non-Science students and engaged in discussions which opened my mind to many interesting point of views (which are neither right nor wrong).

Especially during politics tutorial today… Out of 24 students in our group, only TWO were from Science – me and my nursing friend! I was extremely impressed by how the non-Science people argued their points and how they were opinionated and bold to voice out.

It was simply mind-blowing.

I wish that Science students can be similar in this aspect too, it will definitely spice things up in school.

I believe they are not passive or reserved, but the question is,

WHAT IS THERE TO ARGUE ABOUT WHEN ALL WE ARE “LEARNING”/READING ARE MERELY HARD-CORE FACTS???

WHAT IS THERE TO THINK ABOUT??? WHEN THERE IS A DEFINITE ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION.

SCIENCE DULLS ONE’S MIND AND MAKES ONE UNCREATIVE.

IT IS A ONE-WAY LEARNING WHERE TEACHERS TEACH AND STUDENTS LISTEN AND MEMORISE.

However, after all’s been said, of course Science is still extremely important in life. We need the knowledge, especially in healthcare when you’d never know when you could make use that piece of knowledge to actually save a life.

I love learning (but not studying for the mere sake of it). Sometimes I ask the seemingly most ridiculous questions, which people take for granted, just for the mere fun of  intriguing a person or making a fool out of myself.

Why do you pronounce “Soldier” as so-JURE and not so-DIER?

Why are there more guys playing pool than girls? When it’s not even a physically-demanding “sport”.

If the Sikhs are Indians, why don’t they want to be classified as Indians? Their ICs show their “race” as “Sikhs” instead.
(This was a question brought up by my Sikh politics lecturer which I went around asking my friends =P Nobody knows! But I found out eventually on Wiki)

Ok I can’t think of any more questions I asked, these are the most recent ones hahaha. I think I have very nice and accommodating friends :)

 

On a lighter note, it was such a fun night!!! I hardly hang out actually because at the back of my mind, there are always things I know I ought to do. =/

A friend had just gotten his 9-months bonus and so treated a few of us for dinner, pool and supper lol.

 

@ Soupspoon @ Raffles City
My FIRST time! Finally

My incredibly awesome Minestrone!!!
I had just learnt the proper way of pronouncing that… :) It’s actually 4-syllabic.

And his wild mushroom soup thing which I didn’t really like

Chicken wrap thing which I liked! But the salad was the weirdest one ever. This picture is bad.

Pool @ Bugis

I totally suck in pool! So I stopped playing after 3 rounds to spare my poor partners lol…

Then the famous Rochor beancurd!
Awesomeness!

 

Thank God it’s Friday!!!

 

 

p/s: And I wonder why do people like taking pictures of FOOD??? For me, food is a wonderful piece of art! Creative in every aspect – colours, texture, combination, decoration (Garnishes? And inedible salad like the above) and even the thoughtful blending of taste.

What’s there not to love about food! =)

In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you.
Though at times it appears I won't stay, I never go.
Special to me in my life,
Since the first day that I met you.
How could I ever forget you,
Once you had touched my soul?

- “Unusual Way” in movie “NINE”

 

It says it all.

 

~~~

 

I saw the trailer for “NINE”, it looks like an awesome musical and I WANNA WATCH IT. :)

I woke up at 2pm today after much tossing on the bed, trying to relish the very last moment of sleep.

I have been exhausting my mind recently with school and unnecessary stuff. I think I need another vacation =P

Spent my day playing piano, which is getting really depressing due to my malfunctioned left hand.

My piano teacher has been teaching me music theory for the past 2 months. It’s plain and dry and kinda suck. I don’t really look forward to it now. (Which probably explains why I overslept and totally forgot I had lesson on Thursday)

It’s high time I start practising for my September practical exam on my own. What have I been doing!!!

~~~

“The Jewelled Air” @ The Arts House

Went for a performance tonight with my orchestra’s bassoonist. It was a hassle to find people to go! Everyone I asked (whom I thought would be interested) had something on.

For that reason, I would rather do things alone sometimes. AND I’m nearly anti-social now hahaha.

@ The Living Room before the start of the performance.

We sat at the FIRST row! Lol… So it was reeeally near to the performers.

A chair which speaks. It exudes so much aura, even in this picture haha.

I would love to have the honour to sit there with my cello one fine day. And perform of course lol…

Oboe, bassoon, clarinet and piano.

This was an oboe and bassoon duet with piano accompaniment. I thought that the oboe and bassoon go well together!

Clarinet has a soothing sound which I liked too.

40 minutes into the performance, it dawned upon me that I actually know the bassoonist! –_- She played for our orchestra before and I remember we even had some small talks and I brought some food for her during break.

I’m just bad in recognising faces. =/

All well in the end, the performance was greeeeeeeat. I am surprised I liked it though I’m not a fan of woodwinds =P

I actually teared a little at one part… The joy exuded by the musicians and the sincerity of their music were too touching. =’)

Been hit by the harshness of reality recently… And I thought maybe that’s the world’s way of saying HELLo.

I am staying strong. I have/need/want to.

There is no pausing in life. It drags you along as long as you are alive.

Sometimes I feel like a coconut riding on the waves of life, being tossed about by the circumstances around me.

 

There are many things beyond the boundaries of my control and maybe the only thing I can control is my mind.

I can choose to believe.
I can choose the kind of words I wanna tell myself or say to others.
I can decide to love someone.
To change my attitude…
To renew my mindset.
And maybe… To deceive myself.

And alternatively, the opposite of everything above.

 

I can force myself not to think about it… Some things are so heartbreaking, you wanna just chuck it at the back of your mind, and hope for the best.

I don’t dare to close my eyes, for the things I see in my imagination scare me and make me sad.

It is mentally exhausting, I wish I can sleep instantly.

It’s MONDAY.

The thought of school is overwhelming, so I am just going to take one day at a time.

Since the start of school, I have been having various assorted bad dreams almost every time I sleep. Even in the littlest of sleep.

I wouldn’t call them nightmares, just bad dreams.

 

Such as

1) Swimming as I ‘escorted’ the world’s largest crocodile out into the wild and as doing so, my legs brushed by a fat snake which was something like an Anaconda.

After the crocodile was released, a smaller crocodile bit me on my legs and I woke up.

2) I was at my grandma’s and there were 5 cats in it… I quickly hopped on to a couch and watched as those cats marched by me, looking evil with their slanted eyes.

Suddenly they split into 2 and started growling at each other. Stupid cats. I hate cats.

3) Someone broke my cello. The wood of the back was split. I was hugging it and crying so badly. And I woke up.

4) I accidentally hit a ‘bass’ guitar… It was a guitar which probably is non-existent in reality but in my dreams I perceived it as a bass guitar which had 6 strings and golden pegs.

It was resting on its stand when I knocked it, my cello was resting on its stand beside it. And my first instinct was to save my cello from being hit by the guitar.

Haha, so anyway, the owner of the guitar was just beside me. After I knocked it, all the strings loosened and I looked at him and said “Erm… It’s ok, you can always tighten back the pegs…”

No it’s not ok to him. Haha.

 

~~~

Today must have been the bleakest Sunday ever. I had only ONE face-to-face interaction the entire day.

Went for a different service so I was alone. Happened to sit next to a Philippino (Is that the right spelling?) Neurology nurse and so we talked briefly.

THAT WAS IT.

Came home and resumed watching “Saving Private Ryan” and took a nap. It is a depressing and touching show and Spielberg was absolutely brilliant.

Stupid insomnia.
It screwed up my mind! Hahaha. Ok for once I felt "legitimate" to blame that for it.


Firstly, I didn't know what was in my mind at 5.30am to spur me to set my alarm clock at 10am to ballot for tutorials, which could be done ANYTIME before 3pm. For that redundant effort, I hope I do get the time slots I want!


Secondly, I missed my 12pm lecture cos I thought it started at 2pm! I only knew it when I text a friend at 12.30pm to ask him to help "print notes for later"...

So ta da~ I have broken my new year's resolution (to attend ALL lectures) on the 2nd week.



I didn't feel smart at all in any way.



So, I ended up vacuuming the entire house (it was a good workout) and cooking soup again with the remaining ingredients.

Had a taste of a housewife's life. Haha.....




Had cello lesson in the evening... And throughout we only focused on TWO bars, ie less than 10 notes. But in those 2 bars alone there were many techniques to learn...

There is a mountain of skills I have yet to grasp. Sometimes it gets discouraging. It's like standing on top of the mountain, trying to shovel away the earth beneath you, in an attempt to flatter the mountain.

It is unrealistic and impossible.

Like what my teacher said... It is a never-ending process of learning. No one can say he/she has known everything about the cello.

So we simply have to keep flattening the mountain, till we can dance on it! And keep shoveling till the surface area of flattened earth becomes larger and larger and hence more dancing fun!


Me and my 2.30am analogy. I hope it makes sense! Hahaha.


~~~


Received a phone call from Mum after lesson and she delievered a good and an extremely bad news.

Life has been flatuating. I don't bother letting my guards down anymore. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that my life could be a little more "normal" for once.


Whatever the case, I'm praying for the best, knowing that God is in control of every situation. A kind of quiet trust in the midst of turmoil. =)

It's 4:42 in the morning.

I CAN'T SLEEP. There is a great influx of thoughts running through my mind. And I dunno why.


Had a free day and it was great.

Piano lesson was fine, teacher extended 0.5 hours more again and reminded me that I have 7 weeks (= 7 lessons) to exam. 7 seems long so it didn't stir anything in me hahaha.

Being random as I am, I had the urge to cook some soup after lesson? And so I did and was very proud of that hahaha. Dad liked it too! :)

After being happy with my extremely healthy and tasty soup, I went to watch "Did You Hear About The Morgans?" ! Cos a schoolmate treated hahaha. I am so blessed recently! Maybe God knows I get EMO when school starts. Need lots of such surprise therapies. Lol...




















Anyway, the show was hilarious (though the plot was lame)! We were laughing throughout lol... But I dunno why "The Newpaper" only rated 2.5 stars for it. Chey no sense of humour! Whoever that was.



Went for cellgroup and on my way back at about midnight, I witnessed a disgraceful act.

A boyfriend pushed his girlfriend onto the floor right in front of me. And walked away feeling mighty proud.


Wth was wrong with him I do not know, but that was no way to treat a woman.

The girl was on the floor and whimpering. I was in utter shock. Things like that only happen in DRAMAs right??? Stupid naive me.

She stood up and I went over to her... She was wearing an ITE uniform, the same as her bf's. I tried to comfort her and asked her some questions... Found out that they had a quarrel and it was his first time (and I hope it'd be the last.) abusing her like that.

Well, throughout, I had a strong urge to tell her to just break up with that ____. But, who was I to say that? So I didn't and just told her that he shouldn't do that to her. I hope she knows that she deserves to be treated better.

She insisted that I should go home soon, so I hugged her and left, feeling quite helpless about the situation.


What could I have done?


~~

Life has been pretty interesting since the start of school. And it all has NOTHING to do with school! Obviously.

It's 5:22am now and I am still not tired... Suppose to have a lecture and cello lesson later. Sometimes I do not understand myself too. Maybe it's my soup???!!! =) Celery power! Hahaha... -_-

After school yesterday, I was reading a book on my bed beside the radio. It was tuned to Symphony 92.4 since I was in the rare mood for some classicals...

It happened that the DJ was calling for people to call for a pair of concert tickets. So, for the mere thrill of it I called.

To my surprise, it actually rang. And to my utmost surprise, the DJ actually picked up! Hahahaha. I couldn't believe it.

The conversation went like this..


Me: Hallo?
Her: Hi
Me: Is this Symphony 92.4?
Her: Yes, and you are calling for?
Me: (What else duh...) Erm... The concert tickets?
Her: Haha ya, congratulations you're the first caller. Do you know the name of the concert you're calling in for?
Me: Haha! I don't know. (I felt dumb seriously) Erm... Let me think. *......* But I know the pianist's name!
Her: Haha, so what is the pianist's name?
Me: Joel Ma!
Her: Ok for that I will give you the tickets to *the name which I didn't catch again* on 23 January at 8pm.



Lol, then she took down my particulars and I should receive the tickets soon by mail.

It'd be at the Arts House, Living Room.



Looks not bad!

Hahaha.

And I checked. The name of the event is called "The Jewelled Air". It's a reed trio consisting of an Oboe, Bassoon and Clarinet, with pianist Joel NAH (Not Ma! Hahaha. Must be influenced by YoYo-Ma.) And each ticket costs $25.

I'm totally not a fan of woodwinds though... Haha, shall see...


~~~


Went for a nap after the news and practised my cello at night...

Was just practising on the Tenor Clef, still trying to figure out how to sight-read it... And after a few minutes, it was like what my teacher said... I got a REVELATION and as if in a snap of a finger, I could sight-read it there and then!!!

It's amazing. Exhilarating. And totally unexpected.

Previously I had to write the alphabets of the notes one by one above the notes, but now I don't have to!!!

It was like Magic, like my cello was playing some funny tricks on me! I was so darn happy.


Talk about the joy of learning! =)

First day of school!

Nothing special, just that the crowd and noise level were especially high.

Dad picked me up from school at 7.30pm and we went over to his office for a while... It was nice to see a Bible on his desk. =) Over there, you could see me furiously printing out my school notes and stuff. In COLOUR. Hahaha.


Came back and practised on my instruments... Lazed around while reading notes for tomorrow. Quite proud of myself... Hopefully this can last through the semester. Yesss...


Felt bored and practised on cello again... Trying to get a technique right... And just as I THOUGHT I got it... My dad opened my door and told me to stop 'playing'.

Imagine as you are about to sink your teeth into a juicy burger, someone snatch it away and eat it! That was how I felt. =/

I hate my practices to be interrupted.

But I do understand it was already 12.40am. =/

I understand that they don't understand too.


But... I have already mute my cello and I was playing loooong slooooow notes on the Eb major scale!!! Unless it sounded horrible and nightmare-inducing... Sigh.


Anyway, this is nothing new.





Ok, happy with my rant. Going to bed now.

Still up! Trying to relish the final moments of my hardly-there holiday.


Talk about the unpredictability of life...


I left my handphone in the toilet today (2nd time) at the Airport and realised it only about half an hour later. This shows how often I check it.

As expected, it wasn't there anymore when we went over. Throughout the 'ordeal', I swear I was really 'zen' and calm about it. Haha... (Maybe I have lost it too many times??? Ha... Or maybe this couldn't be compared to the damage done to my piano.)

I was just concerned over the pictures in it! My Indonesia and little random pictures which I haven't uploaded due to my malfunctioned laptop...

A friend made numerous calls to my handphone but nobody answered though it was ringing. We couldn't understand, I guess it'd been too long a time that the founder probably had chucked it aside.

So my friend sent a text to my handphone, hoping that the founder would call.


We made our way to a reception counter to fill in a lost report form. This form and reception counter thing never work. Seriously. Most of the time, if people sincerely want to return your phone, they will try ways and means first rather than to surrender it to the receptionist.

As I was filling up the form, my mind was already thinking of all the hassle I would have to go through to get a new phone... And contacts... And of course gone are my lovely pictures.


But well, there is always a twist to a story!

RIGHT after I filled up the form, my friend received a phone call. Not from the founder, but from my DAD! With the good news that my handphone was in safe hands. Thing was, the founder was already in NOVENA...

My dad then went over to the founder's place and retrieved it for me. The founder happened to be a doctor at TTSH... And guess what? He even gave my dad a chocolate cake.

 
Unbelievable. But take that!



Mystery for you to solve: Throughout the entire event, neither me nor my friend had ANY form of interaction with the founder. How did my dad end up calling my friend???

Clue: THINK! It's not that difficult a mystery lol... =)


Unanswered questions
1) Why did the founder take my handphone with him all the way to Novena from the Airport???
2) How did he reach there in such a short amount of time??? (After half an hour, we checked the toilet, filed a report and *Bam* he was in Novena???)


Obviously he drove, but I still can't fathom it. Unless he was in a rush?


I am beginning to think perhaps he's an ANGEL... Haha...

It was just a really strange event altogether. Though I am still rather surreal about it.


But I am really grateful to be back with my phone and the founder made a slightly better impression of doctors for me. =P

Woke up this morning right AFTER a sweet dream. :) Wish my dream come trueee hahaha.

Lunched alone @ JP and played a bit of piano before heading to the pooool. For a moment I wondered why was I the only female there, then I realised cos I was in SAFRA... Lol.

Highlight of the day was probably my cello lesson!

Teacher commented that I have improved much since the last lesson (which was in Nov). :) So that's good news. :)


I have to attribute it to the "Eb Major scale" which I am currently addicted to and those previous circumstances which, in a way, "urged" me to practise as a form of outlet.

Emo nights are best to practise the cello.

At least something good came out of it.


Of cos I have some bad habits to get rid of and improve... PATIENT PRACTICES. Don't pretend you don't know it's wrong. Don't assume you can get it right 'somehow' the next time! Pay attention to every sound you make. Keep reminding yourself until it becomes second nature!

A good musician doesn't require the teacher to always keep a lookout.


Some of the things I learnt today. =)

Nice slow day. The kind you feel you have all the time in the world. :)

I woke up especially early at 10.30am for my 11am piano lesson after being away for 1 month. Teacher is now preparing me for my theory exam in March... So it's all plain boring stuff.

She taught me for half an hour more today, I could see that she was trying to complete as much as possible since I have a lot more to catch up. I think I'm too chill..... I need some sense of urgency haha.


My day was otherwise spent mostly in my room practising/playing my instruments... And idling away while trying to do some theory papers... Days like that hardly come by and I really like it. :)

School is starting next week. It will last for about 16 weeks? Followed by a 6-week attachment.


I am dreading it and it's easy to know why...

It is energy-consuming and at the end of it all, produces so little outcome. In this span of 3 months, we have to cram in 5 modules. This is quantity over quality. That's probably the reason why a lot of us don't remember the things we studied... Because we're only doing so for the _____ sake of exams?

Would you choose a module which is easy to score, lest you lose out to your peers, or one which you are geniunely interested in?

Or worse, choose something you have already learnt previously in whichever school you came from. -_-

Is everyone just going through the motion?



I always feel I have better things to do when I am in school.

That being said, it could jolly well just be me and my bad attitude. Haaaahaa.




On the other hand, I am comtemplating whether to return to NUSSO (Symphony Orchestra)???

Pros
1) Maaaannnnyyyy more instruments to play with
2) Will definitely stretch my capacity due to the difficulty level (Then I'll probably feel bad about myself or rather my skills)
3) Convenience. It's in school!

Cons
1) Refer to 2. It's a tough mental battle...
2) Practise day and time clash with my church orchestra's... And already there're barely 3 cellists.


Shall see...

Finally watched 3D "Avatar" today! I'm very curious as to how this 3D effect actually work and why are the spectacle lens red! My friend said it is due to some light frequency trick??? Damage to one spectacle will cause you a hefty $85, which amounts to almost $100 for a movie! Haha.

(Some spoiler ahead... =P)

Anyway, my favourite part of the movie was when crippled Jake first became an avatar and started running, so fast and carelessly.

In our minds, there are no boundaries. We become who we truly want to become and appear in places we've always wanted to be.

Best of all, nobody knows. And thus no one can ridicule or bring you down.

Who would have known that Jake would later become THE hero of Pandora???

(Oh by the way, I love the scenary at Pandora!!! Though it is highly fictional.)


In my opinion, "Avatar" is more than merely how human's selfishness lead to massive destruction, it is about the power of one's thoughts.

Think about it :)


~~~



I'm still mulling over what pastor said last service... That "time is in God's hands". That although we have received a vision from God, it is ultimately still up to Him when it is going to be realised. For eg: At 85, God told Abraham that he was going to have a son. However, it wasn't until 15 years later that this actually came to past.

I guess we just have to be patient and keep believing in His promises. After all, God knows what/who/when is best for you! :)



8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Glad to be back @ church after missing last week's service. Just 1 service and I feel like I had been away for so long! Haha.

Happy to be praising and worshipping God with MengChing, being touched by the love of God together. It was awesome... Truly, a day in the House of God is better than a thousand days in the world! :)



Anyway, I have been crying every day since I returned. Some things are too much to bear. Unreasonable requests and unfair treatments. Most of the time I am the one giving in, resorting to my own room in the company of my precious posessions. I don't see any point in mindless arguments which will eventually lead to a futile ending anyway.


Been practising much cello lately, I guess distance (literally) makes the heart grow fonder. :) I was practising on my bed today and it was so convenient to just lie back for a rest. I did that and actually fell asleep! With my cello still between my legs lol... Thankfully it didn't fall off, otherwise that'd be another tragedy. Boo.



And yes, I did play on my piano today. It was still heartbreaking to see the damage. Thankfully it is at the side, so I won't see it if I make a conscious effort not to. I am probably in the "denial" stage now. =P Didn't play much, just some worship songs...

After this incident, the statement "The world can take everything away from me but God is mine forever." becomes more real.

I thank God for keeping me rather composed and rational in such a time. I dunno, it must have been divine intervention. =P



Well, leaving you with the verse of the day!

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

2 Corinthians 4:18

Had a rocky start to the year.


Part of my piano was ripped apart. How is that possible? Beats me. But damn it.

That's one of the most cruel thing a person can do to me.

It takes an insane person to do so.



Anyway, I have grieved over it and is now in a speechless state. I don't even bear to look at my piano. It's too heartbreaking. Little wooden shavings are still lying on the piano lid.

I don't even dare to play on it now. Who knows how it would sound??? Though it looks unaffected, I don't wanna receive another blow as yet, just in case. Maybe tomorrow.


Due to this incident, I finally took out my cello and practised on some scales. It was quite fun, I like how my cello sounds. :)



~~~


Dear God,
Thank You for blessing me with a piano and cello. Please protect both of them. You know how much they mean to me. Please take away every negative emotions and thoughts, and teach me how to forgive like how You have forgiven me time and time again for the stupid things I said and did.

In Jesus' name I pray,
AMEN.